Balance is hard. Blogging was everything to me, I enjoy writing and sharing my story, I love DIY projects, I love ranting and venting without caring really what the comments or feedback was, because at least it was my outlet. Helping people has always been a passion of mine, but wait….so is DIY, so is fitness, so is health, so is family, so are my dogs. We all have countless passions I have come to realize, and for a long time I was trying to maintain a sense of order within my blog…
But order is not what my life is about. My life is messy at times, but it’s fulfilling. I have taken on new endeavors that keep me busy, but I no longer use that as an excuse. You make time for the things you are passionate about. Plain and simple.
Goals change, ideas, and you gain a sense of who you are, even though it takes years to develop into the person you want to eventually become. You work so hard to become successful, to just pay bills, to survive. You try to maintain that balance but don’t really know why you aren’t taking more risks.
Risks are unsafe. They cause discord and mayhem, they cause unorganized thoughts and impulsive decisions. But risks are my life, I took a risk when I decided to add 2 more jobs into my life, I took a risk when I moved states away from my family, I took a risk when I decided to embrace the mayhem and discord in my thoughts, instead of pushing them aside.
No one wants to relate to someone who acts like they have their life together, because the truth is that no one really does. No one wants to reach out to someone who idealizes perfection, because no one is perfect. That’s too much pressure to try and act that part.
We don’t want perfection, some strive for that balance. But the truth is that success doesn’t follow a straight line, it’s a wild and curvy path that only our actions can help to lead. Instead of thinking and dreaming, I’ve decided not to maintain balance, no longer to dream it, but to do it. Dreams are goals that we wish to bring into fruition, and I intend to do just that.
Did you know that over 65% of people in the world suffer from B.D.D, or for those unfamiliar with the acronym, Body Dysmorphic Disorder? It’s more common that people would believe, and I can honestly say that I have suffered with this view of myself for years.
Today I’m going to be really honest with you, because I don’t see myself the way other’s see me and that’s okay, I have learned how to handle this feeling and live with it. But to get to the point where I am at today, which is happy and proud of my body, it took a lot of work through personal development and exercise. I say exercise because I used to be the term “skinny-fat,” which essentially means that I was not healthy in a sense, but I was not technically “fat” either. I felt that any form of exercise would only make me look “manly” and if I ever did tag along with other’s who had a gym membership I would do maybe 20 minutes of cardio and some ab exercises then call it a day.
I refused to eat, I thought that if I ate too much then I would “get fat,” when the reality of it was I was eating unhealthily and very sporadically. Fast foods or frozen foods were all I ever ate when I did eat, maybe twice a day if that. On top of that I drank excessively, and since I hated/hate beer, it was always frilly girl drinks packed full of sugars. I was the epitome of unhealthy and because of these habits I also ruined my immune system, I was sick constantly with either a cold or the flu and developed some withstanding problems with certain foods to this day because of what I denied my body for so long.
What I saw in the mirror, was what I thought was attractive and pleasing for other’s to see, but I still saw a girl who was “fat” and completely unhappy, not to mention uncomfortable in her body. I saw excess fat where other’s could not, I saw pudge that no one else was aware of, in the mirror I viewed imperfections where there were none. There is no way to really identify where the stem of this view of myself came from, I don’t honestly believe that science can explain this one, but they will try to anyways.
Growing up I went through a “chubby” phase as most growing children tend to do, but I was ridiculed for it, made fun of constantly and developed a low self-esteem because of that. But I never lost my ambition, I continued with outdoor activities, sports, anything that I could do so I could “lose weight” and “get thin.” These were my thoughts and actions just at 10 years old….where I should be doing these activities just to have fun, which I often did still have fun, but my underlying thoughts were that participating in all of these activities would “make me skinny” and therefore more liked and accepted by my peers.
I grew continuously through middle school, still holding onto some baby weight, getting made fun of now for my quirky personality along with the “chubby” baby weight still holding onto my body like some kind of disease. I went through the skater phase, the emo phase, the preppy phase, all of those awful stages that come with trying to find out exactly who you are that all pre-teens go through, while hiding my personality from everyone and being someone completely different to just “fit in.” I was so excited when I finally got braces in eighth grade, surely they would make me more beautiful and confident, then I could truly be accepted…just 1.5 years until they were off! (try 3 years)
Deciding on which High School to go to was an easy choice for me, I needed a fresh start where people wouldn’t know who I was. Tired of being picked on by the same people everyday, I went to a school where no one would even know who I was or what I looked like previously, this was my chance to start over and I took that chance. I took Personal Fitness the summer entering High School, to prematurely make some friends and earn some credits and I started my freshmen year thin, FINALLY.
But with that, came the pressure of staying at my ideal vision of thin. By the time I got into my first year of college, it only got worse and I only became more and more unhealthy. I skipped meals on a daily basis thinking that this was the right way to stay thin, which of course I now understand that the right foods provide you with the nutrients you need to fight off illnesses and support your immune system.
I was unintentionally letting my body down, not only physically but mentally. I was unstable and in a terrible emotional state, constantly making excuses as to why I was always angry or upset with everyone around me, but the truth is I was starving myself. I starved myself of food, healthy relationships, personal happiness, and started spiraling into someone I hated. I let my self loathing take over my life and fell into turmoil, I was no longer myself and honestly didn’t even know if I ever was to begin with.
I lost sight of who I was for a long time, but I decided finally that this needed to end, that I needed to change. Once I made the decision, I put it to action. Through personal development and a healthy relationship I was able to turn my life around, I was able to start being the person that I had always wanted to be, but couldn’t let myself become before. I’ve continued to change over the course of four years now, to constantly be myself no matter what, to embrace who I am and not try to be someone else’s idea of perfect. To become a more confident and beautiful version of myself, to eat….and eat A LOT! But also to LIVE. To be happy within myself and extend that warmth on to others.
Through this learning process I have discovered that we are who we choose to be, and I chose to be what no one else – including past me – would ever believe I could become: completely happy being myself and loving the skin I’m in. The struggle was well worth it, and I am proud of who I am today. While I will always still struggle with what I see in the mirror, I know that inside I am the most beautiful that I have ever been, and that’s the part that shines through any mirror around. This journey made me strong, and I will only get stronger with time.
If I can overcome my insecurities and see a better version of myself in the mirror, and finally feel complete and comfortable within myself, then I know it is possible for other people out there who suffer from B.D.D., together we can overcome this image. We can become healthy, both in body and mind.
As a newlywed you get asked the question “So, when are you having kids?” Like constantly. Check out the most annoying newlywed questions >>here<<. So to be perfectly honest right now kids are just not on my “to-do” list if you will, and it’s not because I’m “selfish” as so many people automatically assume that we are when we answer the question, it’s because children terrify the living shit out of me.
That might seem silly and weird to a lot of people, but it’s completely true. I’m a perfectionist, I like order, I like clean, I like my schedule and my hobbies, I love taking a weekend away…all things that make me sound selfish. But to me the idea of children leads to the constant unknown, messes EVERYWHERE and ALL THE TIME, nothing is ever in order, a schedule can be made but often broken, hobbies are set aside until they lose fruition, and no weekend is ever really a break anymore.
Granted, I do not have children so for those of you who do and still accomplish a steady life with order and still manage weekends away, well you are very few and far between and you are someone that everyone else admires. But not only do children terrify me in the aspect of just chaos in the household, it’s outside of the house that is out of my control that would tear me a part as a parent.
As a child I was tormented constantly, I went through a “chubby” stage if you will, as do a lot of other kids, but I was also the new girl in a new school from Minnesota all the way down to Florida. I was the girl who wore socks with my sandals because in Minnesota it’s always too cold not to wear socks. I was the girl who had outdated clothing from Old Navy and the “funny” northern accent. I was the pale girl with too dark and too short hair with a Columbia backpack normally used for hiking, while the other kids had decorative Jansport backpacks. I was the tomboy who took interests in PE over sitting playing hand games with the rest of the other girls.
Children terrify me because they are all cruel in their own ways, and while parents will never admit that their own child is a bully, it still happens to this day. It’s a never ending cycle of mean cat-calls and now with social media it’s just opening a million other doors to getting unwanted exposure and attention. Growing up being bullied is something I would never wish upon any child, my own or someone else’s.
Plus the idea of child birth completely destroys my confidence levels, I mean seriously I feel like that has to be the worst experience ever. I have a slight aversion to pain and I really don’t want to go through it, it just sounds all kinds of awful. So my answer to your annoying questions about children is just “no.” If they are in our future, then that’s just great, but as of right now we’re enjoying being married and enjoying the not-so-peace-and-quiet that is our life. Trust me when I say this, we’ve got enough going on right now without children.
So hubby and I have been married for 99 days as of today! Put into day terms, that’s a lot longer than some celebrity marriages! In my book that means we’re off to a great start! As all newlyweds can agree, you can get some really annoying questions after you’re married. So as a kind of warning to all of the happy couples out there, you WILL get asked these questions, and it will get more and more annoying the more the days pass. I wish I could tell you when these questions finally end…but we’re clearly not at that point yet, but don’t worry I’ll make sure to follow-up when I know!
“So how is married life? Does it feel any different?”
It’s great I guess? In all honesty it feels no different, but we have been building a life together for the past 4 years….I mean I don’t want to kill him yet, so I guess that’s good? I mean honestly do you really care?
“When do you plan on having kids?”
We JUST got married, children are terrifying and stinky. I like having a clean house, clean sticky-free walls and a full 8 hours of sleep every night. I think we’re good right now. Besides, I have my pups and they’re much easier to handle than a child would be.
“Are you sad that it’s all over and there’s nothing to look forward to now?”
Well aren’t you a bundle of joy! Do you really think there is nothing else to look forward to in life now that we’re married?! I couldn’t be happier that the wedding is OVER with, that was too much planning, too much stress, and while it turned out beautifully I am so THANKFUL that it is done with. The amazing thing right now is that we don’t have to make plans, it’s AWESOME. We’re relaxing, enjoying each other’s company, there’s plenty to look forward to, and all of it is much less stressful!
“Are you excited you can gain weight now?”
What is wrong with you people? Is marriage really viewed as an excuse to NOT take care of yourself?! If I don’t feel attractive within myself how could I ever feel like my husband finds me attractive? So the quick answer to that is, NO! I am not letting myself go just because I’m married, if anything I’m going to drag him along with me to a healthier and happier lifestyle. Marriage is not an excuse to gain weight and become unhealthy. Plain and simple.
“I could never get married at your age”
This one is more of a statement than a question, but a statement that nevertheless I don’t rightly care to hear. Of course you could never get married at my age, you’ve been single since I’ve known you! That’s great that you feel that way, good for you, but that’s YOUR life. Not mine. So please, keep the comments to yourself.
“Don’t you want to travel?”
Actually we do, thanks for asking! Does everyone just think that once your married you can’t go anywhere? That you’re just going to sit at home for the rest of your life? It is POSSIBLE to travel with someone else…not just by yourself. Most people travel with their best friends…well jokes on you, I get to travel with the ultimate best friend..oh and with benefits for the rest of my life!
“Does it suck you won’t have any time to yourself?”
I have more time to myself than I know what to do with. I mean we do have jobs, and his hours are the complete opposite of mine. If you add together all the hours that I have to myself it equals to about a days worth of so-called “alone” time, and no I do not wish I had more of it. Call me crazy but I enjoy spending time with my husband.
“Does it get annoying that you have to share EVERYTHING now?”
I didn’t know sharing a last name meant that we were all of sudden required to share EVERYTHING. It’s not like we’re one massive blob of a person, we are still each our own person. It’s a complete misconception that everything is shared, but hey if I’m not too hungry at dinner I have my reliable hubs to go halfsies on a meal with me…you don’t see restaurants having special priced meals for “one” now do you?
So please I’m begging you, if you have any friends or family members about to tie the knot…DO NOT ask these questions, but regardless of what I say the questions will still be asked, the rude statements still be made. But at least now you get to sit at home watching Netflix reruns with your spouse, laughing and joking at all of the stupid things everyone else says. Jokes on all of them, because you’re both awesome.
Every bride-to-be is just LOADED with unintentional stress, it just bogs us all down and you feel overwhelmed over every single little detail when it comes to your big day. I mean who wouldn’t be!? We only dream of this day as little girls, being told nonsense stories about our Prince Charming….and I say this out of complete love for my husband. But real life Prince Charming…he IS NOT, but he is perfect for me…but he definitely doesn’t break into song about is never-ending love for me. JUST saying.
When it comes to weddings, especially my own – which was a complete DIY for the most part – it can get really stressful but I somehow managed to get through my catastrophes just as all brides do/will! So here are my 10 hacks, that personally got me through all the stress of wedding planning!
Exercise: I cannot stress this one enough! Most brides out there already want to lose the pounds to look great in their dresses, and honestly it will be your saving grace. It’s pure bliss to look forward to going to the gym after work, to just have an hour or so with no obligations to your phone. That can all wait, this is YOU time. Your own personal haven to let go of the stress caused by work, wedding planning, life…it all just flits away for an hour and will leave you feeling much more at ease to take on the remainder of your night.
Drink Water: This might sound like a super pointless hack but it’s really not, I turned to water ONLY for the 9 months prior to the wedding. The average person should be drinking at least eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day, when figured out that’s 4 water bottles a day. You will not believe how much better you feel once you cut out carbonated and sugary drinks. Not only does it make your exercise easier and more efficient, but you’ll feel more energetic to take on your day. Even post wedding I have continued this regimen, I drink roughly 7 bottles a day! Of course you can still have your cock tails when you want them, but the water will help you feel less bloated, on top of that it will clear up your skin!
Talk Through The Stress: Do not bottle up all of your worries! You don’t want to be the bride who implodes on herself come the wedding day, or explodes onto those around her. Make sure you talk to your mom, dad, siblings, your fiance, your MOH (maid of honor)…these people are all here for you when you need them! You may feel like you don’t want to burden them with all of these little details and problems, but trust me, you will feel better just by talking through your stress. On many occasions after I spoke to my mom, or mother-in-law, any one for that matter I would feel a weight just lift off my shoulders and would shortly after find the solution to the problem I was venting about.
DO NOT TRY TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY: This item is so important to keeping stress to a minimum. My engagement lasted a little over a year, and in the first six months I tried to appease everyone else. Tried to plan around what was easier for everyone else instead of what was easier for me. DO NOT DO THIS! This is your wedding day, do what you want, what will make you happy, and do not feel bad for those decisions. You will not be able to make everyone happy, always remember that it’s not your job to do so and you will have saved yourself so much unwanted stress.
Remember You Will Hit Bumps Along The Way: Try as every bride might, there will always be a bump along the way. We had multiple bumps, from the cakes melting prior to being set out, to the flowers not opening in time, to our lunch not arriving on time….I could go on. But there is no way that you can prepare for EVERY single scenario. Do not waste your energy trying to fix those problems before they ever happen, because who can guarantee that they will anyways? The best thing you can do is stay positive and realize that every wedding has a bump. You will find a solution!
Delegate: Make a list of the people in your wedding party and delegate tasks to be done before, during, and after the wedding. This helped us tremendously, but it also helps that our MOH and Best Man clearly were the best for the job! Do not be afraid to ask for help! This was a huge weakness of mine, I thought I could handle everything by myself, but it wasn’t until a month or so beforehand that I started asking for help, and I received all the help in the world. I honestly do not think the day would have gone so smoothly had I not asked for the help and delegated certain tasks to everyone in the wedding party. Delegate! It will save you time and with that saves you the worry about not completing everything on time!
Get Pampered: This one should be a no-brainer, as most brides and their bridal parties go out the day-of or day before to get their nails done, hair, makeup, well we didn’t go that extensive. But getting a pedicure the day before helped my stress levels tremendously! It was nice to just be with my best friends, my mom, my sister, and even family members who tagged along. Being with all of these important people really just sends your happiness through the roof and completely distracts you from stressing over the last minute details. Enjoy this time getting pampered with everyone, it’s not every day you can get together like this.
Enjoy The Outdoors: Being outside is freeing, you don’t feel enclosed in a box, you have the freedom to really breathe when you are outside. We spent every afternoon outdoors on the lake as soon as the summer months hit. On top of being able to enjoy the company of your significant other, you’ll get a nice tan going too. I actually purchased a tanning membership once summer hit, and only actually went twice! Just going outside and spending time with family and friends I was able to get a good solid tan before the wedding. You will benefit more from the great outdoors than you will laying in a tanning bed, I can guarantee you that much!
Stay Organized: Keep a binder or notebook with all of your important wedding details! I had a little notebook I carried around with me everywhere during my planning process. I also took advantage of Wedding Wire, by far the best when it came to keeping the guest list in check and to search my area for vendors. Keeping everything in place and setting deadlines for yourself to accomplish things that need to be done will not only alleviate stress, but it will make you feel better checking off those to-do’s. I bought a fancy “The Knot” binder from Barnes & Noble when I first started planning…I never used it once. It overwhelmed me more than it helped me. Organize based on what WORKS for YOU!
Remember The Big Picture: Being a bride is stressful, remember that you will always find cool ideas on Pinterest, there will always be a “better” looking set up…remember you theme and YOUR vision. As a bride you can get side-tracked A LOT and change your mind A LOT. Always remember what your style is, and stick to it! When it comes to your big day you don’t want a jumbled up combination of 10 different wedding themes. Keep focused on your ideas and stick to them, because it will all come together at the end when you do.
I hope all of you brides out there find this list helpful, but also remember, at the end of your big day the ONLY thing that matters is that you get to marry the man of your dreams. Remember that, and I can guarantee you a stress-free wedding day. Once you walk down that aisle and stand before him, NOTHING you were stressing about before will matter.
There seriously is no better feeling than finishing your wedding invites, sealing all that info in the envelopes, sticking that stamp on and sending them off into the world, just embracing that huge weight that lifts from your chest. Pure bliss.
But, all the events that take place BEFORE this glorious time in your life, is complete and utter hell. Eh, well I wouldn’t go THAT far, but pretty damn close. When you are a perfectionist like me, it takes FOREVER to figure out the direction you want to take and on top of that I had a pure bridal stress moment, so here is that little piece of wisdom that I can pass off to all the other brides out there!
Here was my bridal stress moment; so of course you start gathering names for your guest list, getting all the proper information together ahead of time so you aren’t scrambling later. Well it took about 4 months just for me to finish combing through the list and get it down to a reasonable amount of people, since I really do not want a HUGE wedding, just not my thing. To ease my guest list stress, I use Wedding Wire, where I can input all of the guest list info I need to, including who needs hotels, addresses, emails, phone numbers, and also create our free wedding website, AND search for vendors in the area. The site is a life saver, but here is where I messed up.
Buying the invites, which I purchased from Wedding Paper Divas, they have AMAZING offers and coupons, I was under the impression that I needed to order at least 85 invites, and of course then 85 RSVP cards, considering I had around 81 guests invited according to the guest list count on wedding wire….If you don’t see the problem here yet, then bless your heart because I didn’t either and ended up wasting at least an extra $150 on invites. So, I counted by guests for the invites, instead of the HOUSEHOLDS. Yes….make sure you count the households, not how many people are on the guest list.
I believe I actually did a head smack at this point of realization, and believe it or not I was already about halfway through writing out the addresses for people when I realized I only needed to do about 15 more and became really confused. Then like a flash of lightning followed by rumbling thunder, it dawned on me that I had made a HUGE error, and BOOM, I am now the idiot bride of the year! If that is an actual award, I deserve it. But for the sake of all other brides out there, PLEASE COUNT HOUSEHOLDS WHEN ORDERING INVITES! You will not only save a ton of money, but also time. If I had realized this before hand I would have splurged on the fancy letter pressed invites I had originally wanted.
The fact that I had 85 invites on hand and in reality only needed to send out 36 is still a matter of annoyance for me. But in a way it was a comic relief, since that meant I only had to address that many and had extras in case I screwed one up! Which of course I did, plus now I can send out some miscellaneous ones to celebrities and Disney characters, and any other people that either side forgot NEED to attend.
In actuality now I am more than happy that I am sending my invites out about five months early, whereas the timeline for them being sent out is about 6-8 weeks. If you are a bride like me where ALL of your family is coming from out of town, or even a destination wedding, then you can understand why I chose to send them out this early. It takes months to get flights, hotels, and road trips in order, not to mention time off work. Plus, the sooner I can get the final head count the better!
While I didn’t DIY the actual invites – I did design them myself though!- I DIYed the envelopes and the accompanied “Accommodations” cards that were inserted as well. You can find the tutorial here!
Most of you already know that I am a dog owner, in fact I own three amazing dogs who I would do anything for. Maybe that’s just a rare trait that some people have nowadays, you know, responsibility, selfless love for something other than yourself. Of course I follow a ton of adoptable pages via Facebook, along with tons more just dedicated to animals in general. It makes me completely SICK to read the stories behind some of these poor animals and grateful that these fosters/kennels are doing everything they can to get them out of their current situations, giving these dogs a second chance at a life they actually deserve and with a family that will give them unconditional love and attention.
People out there just astound me with their selfishness, and while some of these classifications I am about to give may have their reasons and justifications that help them sleep better at night; but to someone like me and a lot of other people out there, you’re preaching to the wrong choir.
The Time Manager: Oh how I love this category! First off, if you all of a sudden don’t have the allotted “time” to take care of a living being, DON’T GET A DOG! It’s really that simple. Especially the people who go in and buy a puppy right off the bat, yes a puppy takes TIME to train and a lot of patience. I know everyone who has a baby or a child will scoff at me for comparing, but a lot like a HUMAN baby, a puppy needs guidance, to be fed, to be taken out, has their own set of puppy shots and check-ups throughout that first year. Yes, life throws certain things at us along the way, but it is NO EXCUSE to drop your dog off at a shelter because you no longer have time for it. I work 8 hours a day, and Shane works 12, miraculously I STILL manage to play with my dogs and let them run around with each other, I don’t even know how I do it! Oh wait, maybe because THERE ARE 24 hours in a day, or I’m just superwoman. Either way I’m not buying your shitty excuses.
The Mover: The whole, “Oh I’m moving and I can’t take my dog with me.” I call BULLSHIT, you know why?! Oh, right! Because I moved, and not just across town – although I have done that before too, WITH my dogs – but I moved STATES. Oh and guess what, I still kept my dogs! What a fricken miracle! If you have a dog and have to move, be responsible, if you have to go to an apartment, pick one that ALLOWS dogs. Seriously people, it’s not rocket science. You can’t even pull the pit-bull card on me either, because if you cared to do enough research before just blindly writing your dog off, then you would know that you can actually register your dog as an “Emotional Support Animal,” making it illegal for landlords to refuse to rent to you. MIND BLOWING.
The Abandoner: I don’t even have words for this type of person, other than F*@! you. To even think that someone could just drop their dog off on the side of the road and not have any moral issue with that brings tears to my eyes. Especially knowing that that exact thing was done for my Bear. He was left on the side of the road, and found by a good Samaritan on the edge of a highway in Virginia at only 3 months old. Do you really have no other option at that point? Because I can think of a ton of other options. Was it really so hard for you to at least just bring the dog to a shelter at that point? At least have the heart enough to knowingly surrender him somewhere where at least he can find a better life than what you are offering. No apparently not, because THOUSANDS of dogs are left abandoned every day, and not ONE of them deserves it.
The Abuser: These categories are just getting better and better, because of you abusers so many dogs are thankfully taken from you. There are still people in this world WATCHING for you, you are a despicable human being. I’ve seen rescue stories of dogs who were being punched, kicked, tortured, tied out and choked, cut, burned, just abused in ways that I can’t imagine ever doing to an animal. Our first dog, Whiskey, fits into this loathsome category. She was terrified of men from being abused; when we went to the shelter 3 years ago in Florida we came across her on our second go-around. The shelter face. That’s all that can really be said about it, and for all those out there who have adopted a dog, you know exactly what I mean. After hearing about her back story I was wary of getting her because I didn’t want her to be afraid of Shane. But we played with her anyways, and a few months later we got her over her fear. So many dogs fit into this category, and so many volunteers and good-hearted people fight to free these poor babies from their horrible circumstances. It takes time and patience to cure a dog of their fears after being abused so extensively, and you people never should have owned that dog in the first place.
The Kids Card: I’ve seen this one so many times and it’s just another excuse. It seems to me that a lot of people will get a dog as “practice” for when a baby comes along. Yeah well, when the baby does come you just decide that you can longer care for your dog. Yes, I understand having kids makes for a lot of time you need to spend with them, it’s another responsibility to add to your pile, and just because it’s another task, doesn’t exclude you from taking care of your dog, another one of your responsibilities. As humans we were given this uncanny trait called multi-tasking, but sadly too many people are too LAZY to take on all of their responsibilities, just wanting all of their problems solved for them. I know people think I’m crazy having my three dogs, and yes I want to start a family, but the insane thing is that my dogs are a part of MY FAMILY. So a baby would be one more thing on my plate, just add it to the list. Sure I’ll probably be dead tired, but that’s life, get over yourself.
The Dog Fighter: Just go to hell. Seriously, the steps are already laid down for you, might as well start the trek down now, because no one who loves animals up here wants you here. We all know the Michael Vick story and it’s atrocious. You know dog fighters actually starve the dogs, which is what brings on the rage and the precedent’s for them to fight one another. If that’s not vile enough already, they are supposed to fight to the death. Oh but it gets way worse than that, the bait dogs. Oh yeah, you read correctly, and I didn’t stutter either. The name is exactly what it is, they throw in the smaller dogs with the ones they want to fight and literally let them tear the poor bait dog to shreds, unflinchingly. The majority of dog fights just happen to be pit bulls, which is why their reputation is always misconceived amongst the entire population. But don’t worry, there are others who know the truth, so screw your misconstrued knowledge on the breed of the sweetest dogs I have ever met. Leia is a boxer pit-bull mix, being a mixed breed still gets her judgement, and for pit-bull owners you know you get it all the time and in full force. As for the dog fighters, you belong behind bars for the rest of your miserable and meaningless lives, you’re ruining society and advocating violence among man’s best friend. We’ve had enough of your shit.
The Budgeter: Money. Literally nothing more really needs to be said. We all get into rough times at certain points in our lives, and yes owning a dog takes money on top of everything else. Simply put, if you are not in a stable position in your life, don’t take on the responsibility to care for another living being if you are barely taking care of yourself. There’s no need to be putting an innocent animal in jeopardy because you don’t have the money to care for it. Oh, and wrap it before you tap it buddy, because if you can barely take care of yourself you don’t need to be reproducing either.
The Breeder: There are more dogs in the world than there are humans at this point, and only 1 in 5 families actually have a dog. Those odds are not in their favor, not to mention millions are euthanized each day and yet people still breed their dogs. People are so set on getting those pure bred puppies, when you can go to any shelter and pick up an amazing dog who needs a loving home. I’m not gonna lie, we picked Leia up at 8 weeks old off of a Craigslist ad, but I wouldn’t trade doing that for the world. Many people wouldn’t either with their store bought puppies, and honestly I’m not gonna go judging someone for doing that. Either way, that is one less dog that you will find on the street, or in a shelter in the future. Hopefully. As long as you aren’t the asshole who falls into any of the categories mentioned above. But in the long run something NEEDS to be done here, too many dogs are in kill shelters, too many are left in shitty situations that need help. Get your dog fixed, that’s the first step to solving this epidemic.
To the people out there who are trying their hardest to help out man’s best friend, we are truly grateful. Whether it’s big or small, at least you are slowly making a difference. The rest of us who care are watching and sending you emotional support every day. It’s not an easy task, but it’s a job that will change the life of that special dog forever, thank you. If not for you, these babies would have never gotten their second chance.
xoxo, Bee
*To see an update on where Michael Vick’s rescued dogs are today, click here*
I’m Whiskey, I love to run and sit on my daddy’s feet when he gets home
My name is Leia, I like to snuggle and give sloppy kisses, I get really excited and sometimes jump
My name is Bear, I’m a huge goofball and love to instigate play time with my sisters
This past week I missed my Throwback Thursday post, so I am very sorry for that, but in all honesty there was just no way I could write on Thursday. It had to be one of the most stressful, uncomfortable, and just absolute worst weeks that I have endured in a long long time. I figured it would be nice to just lay it out day-by-day, mostly because I feel the need to vent about my problems, make someone else feel better about their day and be grateful that this just wasn’t them. I left off on Tuesday, it was pretty basic of a week by Tuesday….then Wednesday hit and it all just went downhill from there.
Wednesday:
It was a great day honestly, I didn’t have to go in to work because I was taking my notary class, that work paid for AND I got paid still for being in the class. DOUBLE WIN! Well Leia (my little pittie/boxer mix) had started getting sick. She was throwing up and not keeping any food down, we figured it was just a bug and just babied her a bit to try and appease her, see if we couldn’t cure the symptoms ourselves. Well dinner time comes and we decide to go out for dinner…NEVER AGAIN. We went to Twin Peaks – if you aren’t familiar it is basically a restaurant like Hooters, Wing House, or Tilted Kilt. I have only been there one other time and it wasn’t that great, but I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and just ordered something different than last time….it was just absolutely terrible. Honestly I don’t even think they gave me what I ordered, but anyways we get home and I feel awful. Leia was still sick, and by Midnight I joined her in sickness….FOOD POISONING. The absolute worst experience of my life, I was up for a straight 12 hours, I slept on our bathroom floor, if you can even count an hour at a time to be sleep. Needless to say I texted my boss at like 3 and 7 in the morning, telling him there was no way I was coming in to work.
Thursday:
Food poisoning is something I don’t think I would ever wish on my worst enemies, it’s worse than the world’s worst hangover times ten. If any of you know what I am talking about then you know. I swore off of eating out completely after this experience. Anyways, I got super dehydrated and it was impossible to even get any fluids in my body because they just came right back up. Not to mention sleeping on the bathroom floor was just absolutely freezing. It was a very uncomfortable night, but on the bright side by about noon the vomiting began to subside. I wish I could say the same for my little Leia though. We were two peas in a pod Thursday, if someone came into the house they would have thought a bomb of infections had gone off from how pathetic we all probably looked. Staying home from work, I wish I could say I enjoyed myself, it was miserable. Not to mention I was completely weak from no food and no fluids staying in my system, then trying to take care of one sick dog and two others who just wanted to play. Hence why there was no Throwback Thursday post.
Friday
Finally Friday, I should have been more excited, I was still exhausted from lack of sleep the day before and still kind of off. I had rice for dinner Thursday, but that was it. Food was not a priority of mine. Well I get back to work and completely forgot I was supposed to go to Raleigh to pick up some permits, so with a quick check of emails off to Raleigh I went. Of course at first I didn’t mind because at least I wasn’t sitting in the office…but it was 3 hours to get there, then three back, on top of that my boss tried getting me to turn around and go back while I was ALREADY DRIVING BACK….if any of you are in the corporate world, then you know that your bosses just work off their own time so by the time he called me he had just gotten into the office. I was not turning around, so guess who gets to drive all the way back up there again this week!?! Yeah, so exciting. Well that’s not the worst part yet, I get home finally and go to let the dogs out. Leia had an accident in her kennel that consisted completely of blood. I waited for Clay to get home and showed him as well, we went out to get groceries shortly after and stopped at a vet hospital to talk to them about what we found. (I don’t trust her normal vet…) They told us it was up to us but that we should take her to an actual specialist because they would be able to determine exactly what was wrong….so off the to vet ER we went with Leia. She is by far the most lovable dog in the world, even sick she doesn’t act it unless it’s really bad and is excited to meet everyone. Well like any ER it takes FOREVER, we got there around five and were there until about 8:30 pm. By the end of the appointment they discovered that on top of being super dehydrated, her liver was completely inflamed, and three times the enzyme count (whatever that is) than normal. She ended up having to stay overnight hooked up to antibiotics and IV fluids. 😦
Saturday
It was an exhausting night for me, she has never been gone from me, at least not to the vet or boarding. The only time we have been a part was when they were still with my parents when we first moved up here. By seven in the morning I got a call saying that she did very well throughout the night, with no vomiting or diarrhea, thank God. They were scheduled to check her liver again at noon. We spent the afternoon cleaning and running more errands, finally by about 2:30 pm we could finally pick her up. To say this was expensive is an understatement, thankfully they calculated in more treatments that were just in case scenarios that got deducted and the only thing I ended up paying for by the time we got her was her antibiotics, having paid the large sum the night before. She was out of it all Saturday, just sleeping on and off, very calm for her normal personality, threw up her food again. But it was to be expected, she didn’t really want to eat in the first place. I was just grateful that she was home and that she wasn’t dying, because of course every worst case scenario ran through my head during this whole process.
Sunday
Leia finally kept food down, she was more up-beat and hyper and we could finally rest easy knowing that the antibiotics were beginning to work. We spent the majority of Sunday at home since it was raining all day. At least it was relaxing and I knew the food I was eating was made by my own hands and I wouldn’t go through another episode.
That brings us to today, work..as always sucks. I still have to pick which day I am going to Raleigh, more than likely tomorrow, but my little Leia is so much better. I have never been more thankful than I am this Thanksgiving. It takes those thoughts of the worst case scenarios to really snap you into reality and be grateful that everything is slowly getting better, and didn’t get worse. Not to mention I can hopefully eat some delicious Thanksgiving delicacies…it is after all my favorite holiday…mostly because I’m a fatty.
Well yesterday I got the call from Shane while he was still at work. The possible deployment call. My mother has always said I have a very weird intuition, it’s that same intuition that guessed the genders of both my brother and sister when I was young, keeps me from taking certain roads at certain times, and completely staying home instead of going out. Because I’ve had so many of these experiences in my life thus far, I’ve not put down deposits for the wedding when it comes to vendors, and have not sent out any invites or even save the dates even though the wedding is a mere 8 months away.
According to my wedding checklist – yeah..right- I am supposed to be sending out invites already, considering I botched on the engagement announcements AND the save-the dates. I opted out of both for the sake of saving money to begin with. The problem is that we do have a venue and a secured date for June, but if he ends up having to go, well he won’t be back in time for the wedding date we have chosen. It’s becoming very clear to me now why so many military wives/husbands just elope, since you can’t really plan ahead, you can only take it day by day and hope for the best.
Honestly a big wedding doesn’t appeal to me to begin with, the whole process has been stressful for me since I have no one really up here to plan with. The last time I got any serious planning done was when my mother and sister visited last May and we were able to find my dress and secure the venue/catering. In our defense, the company we’re working with knew from the beginning he was military and honestly I’m just hoping they are reasonable. But on the one-hand now we also have to decide if we would want to wait until he gets back or all of a sudden now be married before March.
All in all I’ve basically written off having a wedding where all of our friends and family can make it there, it would be too short notice and so impromptu that we just really don’t have a choice. Regardless if we do it before or after, I wouldn’t be able to send out invites in time for people to make any plans to make the trip, considering all of my relatives are in Minnesota, his are at least in North Carolina, but both of our parents and siblings are in Florida.
The whole situation isn’t ideal, but in the end it’s down to us and what we want. I’ve completely ignored everyone’s complaints at this point, because there’s just nothing I can do. One thing that it’s been hard to deal with in this whole wedding planning process is trying to just focus on us and not be concerned with everyone else’s feelings and schedules. At the end of the day, no one is going to be 100% happy, but honestly that’s not my problem, and to them I’m coming off as a bitch, but in reality I’m getting married to Shane whether these people show up or not.
In the end, I can’t make all of our family members happy and I have now completely accepted that, I can only make myself and Shane happy. That’s all that matters in a marriage anyways, not living your lives to everyone else’s standards, but living to your own.
xoxo, Bee
P.S. Check out a sneak peek picture for our engagement photos this past weekend! This would happen as soon as we finally get them done!
I sincerely apologize to each and every one of my followers at this point, not only have I now been absent for any updates since mid April, but it has taken me almost three weeks just to complete this post about what all has been happening within that time period! Talk about everything changing immensely within that time frame! I guess even at this point it hasn’t all really sunk in yet, time just keeps flying by. Already over a year now since moving up to North Carolina!
I was going to try and split this post up between a multitude of updates but that proved to be even more difficult than just laying it all out in one post. So excuse this very long post, but you know a lot happens in six months, so bear with me 😉
Might as well start where I left off, well I still am doing pole (sort of) I ran into some health issues at the beginning of September and have been off of any work outs and let me tell you, it has SUCKED. When it comes to pole I have progressed further than I ever thought I could. My strength -was- beyond anything I could ever imagine for myself. I will add some pictures in for your benefit don’t worry!
I can now officially do a pencil, and yes I am extremely proud!This beautiful move is called a Jack-Knife, and it took me almost a full week to get right.Last but not least, the HARDEST besides the pencil to achieve, the dreaded Flag Pole. For some odd reason its much harder to hold your body up horizontally than vertically. I apologize for the awful camera glare!
Well as you all know Shane left for his basic training back in March, I got into a routine with myself for awhile there, actually a week after he left I wound up in the ER for choking on some apple seeds. Let me tell you, that was not the best insight into the next five months without him, and I am sure that Clay (our roommate) was very happy once May rolled around and I could finally be on speaking terms with him again. Throughout that entire three month period (basic military training lasts three months, then he was gone for another two months for his schooling) I got to hear his voice on the phone maybe three times at most, and only for about five minutes tops. Our only form of communication were our letters to one another. I wrote him at least twice a week and that still didn’t feel like enough for me, or for him. While he was gone, it not only gave me the opportunity to come to terms with myself, but also our relationship. When you are apart from someone for so long, you really realize how important they are to you. With him being gone, I knew for a fact that I would wait forever for this man and that I love him with all my heart, yes before he left I knew that…but I didn’t KNOW it. To be able to miss someone as much as I missed him, be able to smile just by receiving a letter and picturing him writing it to my best abilities, that was everything that kept me going.
His BMT (basic military training) was at Lackland Air Force Base, all the way out in Texas. Well of course my thoughts were, “oh it would be fun to do a roadtrip for when he graduates!” WRONG! Okay, yes I am glad we drove because we got to see parts of the country that I have not yet been to, we stopped on the way there to see New Orleans, but honestly for me it wasn’t that great. Maybe sans Mardi Gras it’s just a normal tourist attraction. While the buildings were gorgeous (I am a huge fan of historical buildings) it just smelled like vomit and sewage. We arrived around 11 o’clock at night and headed straight for Bourbon Street, it didn’t take long to walk the streets and scope out everything, but God forbid you stop to map out where you actually wanted to go. We stopped by the staircase of a building for five minutes to gather ourselves when a sketchy homeless man came up to us and started unraveling a crack pipe, and with cops on horses patrolling the street we wanted no part of that and quickly walked off to one of the bars playing heavy rock music. Another awesome thing about New Orleans was just the music pouring out of every single bar, a combination of jazz and rock, it was booming with sound.
One thing I can honestly say is that I am from Florida, and Orlando has some crazy people in it, but nothing compared to New Orleans, the array of people there was completely staggering. It was quite an experience, we ended up eventually finding an Irish dueling pianos bar (I forget the name, Pat O’Brien’s I believe), but that was the highlight of the night. Clay and I sat there for maybe an hour or so and had their signature drink, which was a gigantic Hurricane, and by far way too alcoholic for my liking, but hey, it was worth it. The women on the piano were taking requests at that point and it was truly beautiful to behold, and makes me wish I would have kept up with piano as a child. After that we called it a night, and yes we found a Wal-Mart parking lot and slept in the car, but don’t worry it was in the same lot as the police department. At our ages right now, we might as well take advantage of the fact that we can pull somewhat all-nighters driving and be perfectly content with sleeping in the car. We had planned to see all of the antique shops and galleries in the morning, but unfortunately nothing in New Orleans opens until 11 am, and we wanted to be back on the road well before then. We ended up walking along the Mississippi River boardwalk, Clay got to have his fortune told by a tarot card reader on the corner, we saw the beautiful St. Louis Cathedral, and then were back on the road.
We got to our hotel in Texas at about dinner time and met up with Shane’s parents for dinner, we were exhausted and to add on to that had to go to base late that night to make sure we had our visitors passes. On top of that we had to be on base by 7 the next morning, no time for rest. But what did I care, I got to see Shane for the first time in months. If you ever do take a trip to Lackland, this base is HUGE, we got lost so many times it’s unbelievable. But finally by noon, we witnessed Shane’s coin ceremony and then were given permission to go out and find him. That was hard, considering all of them are in uniform and so tightly knit together, I remember seeing him and tears just instantly sprung to my eyes. I let his mother get in the first hug before I completely collapsed into him. He had lost so much weight I just wanted to feed him immediately, but unfortunately we had to stay on base that day. We ended up going to a BBQ place on base for lunch and afterwards went to the bowling alley. It was so weird, being with him finally after all this time, yet he was so different. He was reserved and more quiet, just well behaved and even just to take his uniform boots off and his ABU jacket off he asked for permission at the bowling alley. All of his fellow graduates had the same mindset, that if anything was out of order or place that they would get in trouble, it made me realize just how intricate their training is.
Friday came and it was his official graduation day and afterwards we could finally go off base. His first time off base since getting there, he was thrilled and so were we! There really isn’t that much to do on base unfortunately, it gets very tiring just being able to walk around the entire time. So to relax we went to his parents hotel (much nicer than ours) and were able to go swimming for awhile before we went back up to the room and all passed out. After our brief naps we went to get some food and then to best buy to look around at laptops since he would need one for his technical school. But before long he was already due back at base, the worst part of my days with him, on the bright side the next day we had the whole day to spend off base!
Well Saturday was the absolute best day of my life (so far) basically in a nut shell, Shane and I are ENGAGED!!!! To view the full story of the proposal click here! The proposal just added to the already beautiful San Antonio Riverwalk, which we spent the majority of our day at. We also got to see The Alamo, which in all reality was much smaller than I was thinking it would be. Unfortunately pictures aren’t allowed to be taken there either. I accidentally snapped a few though before reading the signs…oops. Well after viewing The Alamo it was getting really hot outside and his parents were ready to go back and relax at their hotel. We ended up going back to our hotel and just hung out there until meeting back up for dinner with his parents, then it was already time for him to be back on base…
Sunday went by in a blur, we had to stay on base again, we ended up getting some breakfast then going to a movie. It had to be one of the most depressing days, to all of a sudden know this was my last day I would see him still for another two months. By about 3 pm we knew we had to be back on the road, another 20 plus hours in the car. JOY. I couldn’t even choke out a goodbye to him, just hugged him as tightly as I could before jumping straight into the car. I was on the verge of a breakdown at that point and didn’t want him to be upset over it either. Besides, in just 24 hours he would get his phone back and I would be able to talk to him whenever I liked.
We were supposed to be getting back into work Monday morning…that DID NOT happen. We drove straight through, alternating sleep shifts while the other drove. It was just plain awful, I could never do that again. Road trips are only fun when you have plans to sight see along the way….there was no stopping other than for gas, food, and bathroom breaks. Which of course were all in the same stop for the most part. I can say that the one awesome thing about the trip was seeing a sunset in the West, then the sunrise in the East. It’s a mind blowing experience in itself.
As for the next three months, well after Shane was in Tech School I got to visit him one weekend in June, we came across a cheap plane ticket to Oklahoma City, where one of his buddies girlfriends lived. I’ve never met the girl prior to her picking me up from the airport there. Then we drove about two hours to Wichita Falls, Texas; where I was reunited with him again. As soon as he knocked on my hotel door and I saw him there, instant tears just sprung into my eyes. I only spent about one full day with him that weekend, but every moment is worth it.
By the end of July he was finally home, where he also surprised me. He had told me he wasn’t able to come home on time because of graduation requirements, but no, Clay and his younger brother went and got him from the airport, and I was laying on the couch reading and had not even gotten dressed yet that day. I wasn’t the only one ecstatic he was home. Seeing the dogs react to him coming home was the most precious moment I’ve ever seen. They were crazy, they were whimpering and jumping all over him, because of course for a dog I know that it felt much longer than it was.
In all reality those are the most important moments that even happened in the past six months, life without Shane was just mind-numbing. The days went by, I got into a routine with myself, focused all of my energy on taking care of myself, went through a huge juice cleansing period, worked out consistently. Just did everything I could to stay busy, and then while he was in tech school I had the fun tasks of wedding planning (still do). This whole experience has really made me appreciate him more, the time that I get to spend with him. I feel for all the women out there who have their husbands, sons, brothers, boyfriends, actually overseas right now. It’s hard, but I truly believe that the women going through all of this are equally as strong as their loved ones fighting for our country. When Shane gets deployed, which in time he will be, I know I will have to be strong again without him. If you think about it though, I am not without him, I am being strong for him.
Finally, there you have it, the past six months (in a nutshell). Pictures will be added as well! I will also be adding some Wedding Budgeting tips that I’ve been going through as of late, and a new section for Pinterest inspired recipes that I have tried!
They told us it was up to us but that we should take her to an actual specialist because they would be able to determine exactly what was wrong….so off the to vet ER we went with Leia. She is by far the most lovable dog in the world, even sick she doesn’t act it unless it’s really bad and is excited to meet everyone. Well like any ER it takes FOREVER, we got there around five and were there until about 8:30 pm. By the end of the appointment they discovered that on top of being super dehydrated, her liver was completely inflamed, and three times the enzyme count (whatever that is) than normal. She ended up having to stay overnight hooked up to antibiotics and IV fluids. 😦
No Limits 
