Fragile Friendships

Today I feel the need to go more into my back story, I have given you all tidbits of my past and I feel like bringing some things to light. I wouldn’t be who I am today without my past and I feel like in order to get over things past, we have to accept that those things happened. In the end it only makes us stronger as an individual. Well I have been through many friendships within the past few years since graduating high school, which in reality was already five years ago (sigh).

Everyone needs a friend, it’s just a plain and simple fact of life, we need that person we can go to and vent all of our problems, someone to bring you up when you are down. I know that sometimes I haven’t always been the best of friend to people and I can understand why those friendships have never lasted longer than maybe a year if I’m lucky. But, I can honestly say I have had a best friend since high school, and even though we do not talk to each other everyday or even see each other much anymore (long distance friendship now), we can still pick up right where we left off when we do finally get together. Nothing ever changes, it’s like a breath of fresh air when I see her, and everything can just be unloaded on one another. No judgement, no strings attached, no competitions. I can honestly say that I have a true best friend, but that brings me to my subject of fragile friendships.

Yes, I have one steady friend, but of course I have developed others along the way, those of which didn’t last. Sometimes I wonder if that’s the same as cheating, your heart is never really invested in this random friendship, you always have a pull in the other direction towards your one and only?!? Just some food for thought. I have been called a best friend by many, and have said it back…just never really felt complete. Doesn’t really help that girls are not my greatest fans in the world. They despise me, no idea why. I try to convince myself it’s the whole competition factor that all girls always have that underlying need to compete with one another. Regardless, I just don’t care enough to try with anyone else other than my ONLY; but in reality I don’t need to try, it just flows.

I was my own best friend for awhile after some things happened, I stuck to myself and eventually reconnected with a girl from high school who was in my same graduating class. We had a lot of fun together and sometimes I honestly do miss her, but when Shane and I started dating things got rocky. We didn’t hang out as much and then when I moved in with him, things got even worse. He had come in and swooped me off my feet and with any beginning relationship you need to be able to learn balance, which takes time.  Well I will say that I didn’t grasp that balance in time, and the words we spoke to one another just ruined any chance of ever repairing that friendship. Which would have been hard to maintain with her and Shane both being so head strung, it’s a very hard friendship if your best friend and significant other do not get along at all.

Then the next situation we actually moved into our next place with my “new” best friend and my relationship plus my friendship were almost ruined in the process…

If you are someone who is a friend to all and can handle all of the bull shit and drama, then more power to you. I seriously tip my hat off to you ladies, because I am a one friendship type of girl. Two is company, three is a party, four is a mess.



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