An anonymous letter to your Facebook friends. Be as snarky as you’d like.
Dear avid Facebook users,
The point to Facebook is not to let the world know on an everyday basis, the everyday occurrences in your pathetic lives. Maybe if you spent less time complaining about all of the things going wrong in your life and actually going out and doing something about it, then I wouldn’t have to read about it anymore through my newsfeeds…but then again you all would probably go ahead and post about how great your life is now going. But to be serious, there are literally about ten types of Facebook friends that we all share.
The Baby Maker:
This person always takes pictures of their children! Not only is their child their profile picture, but there are at least ten pictures every few hours, with the same comments that “Oh, your baby is so cute.” While this is more than often true, these parents are the people who are searching for compliments through their child! It’s bad enough to be “The Seeker” (see below) but to seek compliments through your child is even worse than trying to get them yourself. We all know it’s exciting, and great, and terrific, but come on, your poor child will one day see that his little bare butt is out in the world to be seen by EVERYONE. If that isn’t torture, in today’s society there are too many creeps for my tastes and I would want that baby safe from all of that.
You know you have this friend too so don’t try denying it. This person posts a Bible verse at least once a day, and if it’s not a verse, then they are thanking God or Jesus for something that it is going on in their life. If everything isn’t going too hot, then they are posting inspirational thoughts and prayers to God that he will make everything alright in the end. Now, I am not sitting here in judgement, go on and pray to your hearts content! But please, not everyone is a Christian, Catholic and the like. There are a lot of religions out there and while you have your beliefs another person has there’s. I have seen so many comment wars under these statuses, don’t have me break out the popcorn. These fights are all too entertaining, and there is never a winner. Besides, remember when we used to silently pray every night before bed? Can’t we just go back to that? I am sure he would understand, make peace not war here guys.
Aw yes the seeker. We always get that one girl that fishes for compliments. Emphasis on the “girl” aspect of this title. It is very rare to get a guy that searches for compliments, but even so if you have a male that does it as well I feel sorry for your newsfeed. Truly I do, because I am annoyed enough with the girls doing it. Posting a picture where clearly they are in full outfit AND makeup and look absolutely stunning, yet the caption reads “I am so ugly before I go to bed.” -_- COME ON! REALLY?! No real life person wears that much make up before bed! Seriously, you are going to wake up with an orange and black pillow in the morning if you go to sleep looking like that.
One of my favorites, the PETA pal is the person who is all about mother earth and her helpless creatures. Don’t get me wrong, both of my dogs are adopted, but you get these people who advertise constantly for adoptions and constantly go around and purposely find those people who have pure bred animals and bash them. To each their own and just because someone may have a pure bred dog doesn’t mean you need to seek them out and try to justify yourself. We all see the commercials, we all know what happens when there are too many dogs in a shelter, you do not need to remind us. Sarah McLachlan’s voice affects us all more than your ranting so just give it a rest, because if we could all adopt more we would. But most of us already have our hands full, I know I do with just my two.
The gamer geek’s, you know those people who never really post a status but when they do it’s an all day long procession of the newest games, not only in detail what they think of this so-called game, but the picture quality, the sound, every little detail that makes this game better than the last. I have never been a fan of video games, the last game I played was the Lion King on my Sega Genesis. Which, we know how the picture quality on that was. The only game I’ve ever kept up with is Call of Duty, and that’s because my boyfriend occasionally plays it. The only thing I ever use our Xbox for is Netflix, and my knowledge of how to work it for gaming purposes really ends at that point.
The Fit Freak:
We all see the trend going on right now with people trying to lead healthier lifestyles, which I am not insinuating at all as being a bad thing. But you get these friends on Facebook who are complete fitness freaks and they just make you hate your life. Seeing them post their weekly progression photos just make you feel terrible about yourself, not to mention the constant fit food posts on top of the amazing body pictures. You just wonder what you are possibly doing wrong and why your results aren’t turning out how there’s are. We get it, you have rock hard abs and an amazing ass, some people over here are still trying to get to that point you don’t have to rub it in!
These people, or should I say these groups of people, since they seem to travel in packs are the people who are constantly trying to market a product through every post they put up. Such as working online statuses, or Advocare is the newest, or Mary Kay products, just all of these products that they completely believe in. Well I won’t sit here and bash your product, because to each their own, but honestly I think it’s a load of crap. It’s just a marketing scam to get you to invest your money into it and make you think it’s working better, or is better than something you already use. Take Mary Kay for example, what makes it so much better? I almost got suckered into Mary Kay, but seeing it for what it is now, I wouldn’t have the time or patience….plus I hate pink, why would I want to work up to getting a pink vehicle?!?
These people are self-explanatory and we all dislike them with a passion. The whiner’s just complain about everything going wrong in their life, they never have anything positive to say, just always hating everything and everyone. “The world is out to get them,” and they never actually try to do anything to change this. Instead of doing something productive they just sit and post their problems on Facebook all day expecting us to feel sorry for them. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. These people just can’t seem to understand that if they want their lives to be different than they have to go out and change it! But no, instead we see ten statuses within an hour about how much worse their life has gotten.
Also self explanatory, the stalker is the Facebook friends who consistently ‘like’ or ‘comment’ on everything you ever post. For example, my Facebook stalker is my sister, she takes great measures with liking everything I post. I tell her all the time she stalks me, but she just enjoys it now and I have learned to deal with it. But, like I said, the stalker will go to all lengths, and even back like five years before they even knew you, just to like something you did five years ago. When you check your Facebook and see the picture they liked that little alarm bell sounds in your head that “hey, this picture was forever ago…that means this person just went through all of my pictures to find this one.” Yes, admit it, we all have this person. Not like we can say anything, you don’t necessarily want to bring this fact to light, so it’s best just to ignore it and hope it either one day stops or if it gets out of hand to block the person.
Last but not least, the sluts of Facebook. Not much really needs to be said here, because we all get a picture in our head of exactly this person. You know, skimpy clothes, too much makeup, hundreds of likes on half-naked pictures of them. You know the like. It makes me so proud today to know that so little clothing equals more likes. Seriously?!? I blame the male population for giving in to such schemes, but I mostly blame the females for having such little respect for themselves as to be posting such “quality” pictures.
Now that my rant is complete (not even close) please feel free to share in the comments your biggest complaints for Facebook characters! Let me know if I left anyone out! Oh and one more huge pet peeve:
These have to be the most annoying posts on Facebook that I have ever encountered. I seriously want to shoot my computer when I see these posts. Since when do I have to like something if I hate something else?? Then if I don’t, I will be punished by God?! Come on people! Really?! I am sure there are many more serious matters that God has to deal with than to check who all didn’t like your damn picture.